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Celdrán’s antics are no longer repulsive

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Garbage collectors have been accustomed to the smell of garbage. The smell of filth. That is why they are hardly repulsed anymore whenever they are confronted by a pile of rotting fish and meat mixed with soiled diapers.

Strangely, I find Carlos Celdrán’s latest caper less repulsive, too. Aside from getting used to hearing garbage news on TV, I find his recent tarpaulin controversy more comical than ever before, but still pitiful, nonetheless. This time, however, I have to side with Celdrán against allegations that he’s a “papansín” (loosely translated as a person who perpetually seeks attention from the people around him). This is in relation to what he did two Fridays ago (18 March) against a helpless anti-RH bill tarpaulin.

Check out this video from everybody’s favorite “rational hero”:

As seen from the footage, the self-proclaimed “fat bastard” (Celdrán fans, before you strike, please be advised that this is how he described himself when he commented on a blogpost of mine last year; so there’s no need to be furious, OK? blame your idol, not me) tore down the said tarp —bearing the words “Choose Life, Reject the RH/RP Bill”—, and then ran away with it like a cellphone snatcher.

Right after that, there was complete silence. He did not mention anything at all about that roguery of his in both his Twitter and Facebook accounts. Immediately after stealing the tarp, he bragged in his Facebook account that he opened up an HSBC account in Binondo as well as scrutinized the Department of Tourism’s “Tara Ná” logo.

There was no mention at all about the now controversial tarp that he stole.

So does this latest caper of his make him a “papansín“? Definitely not. Cayá ñga siyá tumátacbo sa vídeo, eh. Dahil ayáw niyáng magpahuli sa guinawá niyáng pagnanacaw. Ayáw niyáng mapansín. Eh caso nahuli.

Now, whatever happened to that no-nonsense, trash-talking, church-profaning Carlos “Fat Bastard” Celdrán that fans loved about him the most? Shouldn’t they be disappointed with their idol, instead? He did not even inform them immediately right after he stole that darned tarp (Celdrán usually updates his “respectful” and “highly intelligent” fans on his daily activities and plans, even the most mundane ones). With all that running of his instead of another no-holds-barred attack against the clergy, it can be surmised, in a way, that Celdrán has gone “soft”.

And why is that?

It should be remembered that Celdrán still has a court case hanging over his head for his unprofessional conduct inside the Manila Cathedral last year. Thus, it is but logical for his lawyer to advise him not to do anything silly anymore especially since they are negotiating for an out-of-court settlement via a pathetic apology that I do not believe is sincere (he proudly proclaims himself a “Cafeteria Catholic” and is affiliated with the anti-Catholic group Filipino Freethinkers).

Unfortunately for Celdrán, focusing too much on his “street heroics” made him forget a Bayani Fernando legacy: the closed-circuit television cameras mounted all over the metropolis. And when reporters contacted him about his CCTV video, it was too late to deny, of course. Aside from the CCTV, there were witnesses. So right after being interviewed by reporters, he posted this on his Facebook fanpage:

Seriously. They have me on CCTV and got witnesses to ‘confirm’ it was me. Dang. I did it 3 p.m. Who says I was trying to hide it?

I do. Because in the video, you were running so fast as if a hungry pack of wolves mistook you for Grimace. And you almost ran down on a motorbike, Carlos (and not the other way around; perhaps that motorcycle dude has nine lives). And just by observing your Facebook statuses and tweets (thank you for following me, by the way; I am so honored, really), it is very obvious that you would never have mentioned anything at all about that tarp you stole if you weren’t caught on CCTV. But you were. So there. Tsk.

If there was no malice intended, especially since Celdrán thought that what he did was something heroic, he shouldn’t have run. He should have just taken that tarp off then walked away with it with his head held up high. But by running away like a thief in the night, he proved to his enemies the kind of coward that he is.

And he added that he is “coming clean”. Really. But why right after being caught on CCTV? He is saying that now only when he learned that we was caught on camera.

I am aghast that his shock-value fans did not even ask him why he was running away with his tail between his legs. Yet they still shower him with praises with his “coming clean” alibi.

Anyway, If I were stupid, I would have believed him, too.

With that pending case of his in jeopardy again, he can be considered as a lawyer’s nightmare. So how to remedy it?

By pulling off another stunt, of course. And again, at the expense of the Catholic Church’s tolerance on forgiveness. So with a barrage of mediamen, Celdrán marched to the church he profaned a year ago, to attend Mass and go to confession for the first time in years.

To my knowledge, he is the only celebrity in the world who publicized in advance his Sacrament of Penance.

There’s your hero.

Let me reiterate: the Church is not involving itself in politics. To halt the creation of life —a very natural process— is not a political but a spiritual issue, something that is already metaphysical even. The Church is entrusted to protect the sanctity of life; the government has breached it. By proposing the RH Bill, the government has tread upon holy grounds, a terra incognita not understood by secularized minds in the government. In effect, the government has declared war against the Church. It was they, not the Church, who made the first volley of shots. CBCP or no CBCP, the Church was merely on the defensive end.

It is the government, not the Catholic Church, who is guilty of violating the separation of Church and State.

We do not need an RH bill. Celdrán, for instance, has been distributing condoms to squatter families in Intramuros for years yet he did not go to jail on orders from an “evil friar”. And just visit your nearest health center; it is almost rare not to spot posters promoting “family reproductive health”. Condoms, pills, ligation in hospitals, heck, they’re everywhere. Frenzy condoms even sponsor rock concerts. You see such products in newspapers and magazines. Even on TV. And that RH Bill has not even been passed yet.

RH Bill proponents claim that this bill is also meant to educate the people about reproductive issues. Come on. I still remember clearly that I first learned about pills, IUDs, condoms, and the like when I was in the sixth grade — and in a Catholic school!

We do not need the RH bill to fight poverty. This overpopulation myth and all that hot garbage are not the cause of our economic woes. As a historian, Celdrán should know better.

Think. Don’t merely grandstand.


32 responses »

  1. RH Bill! Allah is great! Allah is God! Fight OverPopulation! Mabuhay ang Bansang Pilipinas! Salot ang Simbahang Katolika na mahilig sa Ikapo na walang buwis! Tama si Doktor Rizal!!! 😀


    • ROLFMAO! You Flips are poisoned! Too much opium, man! What you need is to get rid of your bishops!

      And I suggest you try my recipe for ONE-CHILD POLICY! ROFLMAO!


    • Miguel marquez


      You muslim you! Do not judge Catholicism merely by the tithes being offered. we are not obligated to give tithes. And you Muslim morons, shich is UNGod-like, blowing yourself to pieces while saying ALLAH or not giving religiously your tithes.


  2. Pilosopo Tasyo

    It seems like you are in love with Carlos.


  3. Hello, I do some volunteer publicity for the Reproductive Health Advocacy Network, and I’d like to correct a mis-statement of fact in your article.

    Carlos Celdran did not “march to the church he profaned a year ago with a barrage of mediamen,” nor “publicize in advance his Sacrament of Penance.”

    I texted Carlos to tell him that he was in all the papers for the grab-and-go, and he texted back that he was going to confession at 11:30. Being a publicist, I had the media meet him at Manila Cathedral.

    So Carlos didn’t publicize anything. That was me. I would appreciate it if you updated your article to reflect this. Thank you!


    • Good morning Mr. Ahn,

      Pardon me, sir. But I don’t think that there is a mis-statement at all. Both Celdrán marching to the church with a barrage of mediamen or him meeting the mediamen at the church all amounts to the same result: publicity.

      If he has any delicadeza in him —given that his claim that he is still a Catholic is true— then he would not have allowed the media to cover his confession. He should know that the Sacrament of Penance is a very sacred rite. But then again, does he still even care about things holy?

      And speaking of publicity, yes he did publicize his confession. He wrote about it in his Facebook fanpage. You and I both know that his Facebook fanpage is hugely popular and is accessible to the public. Even the media quotes him from his fanpage.



      • I’m not a fan of Carlos Celdran but I do admire what he did. Although it was overboard and I’m referring to the Damaso escapade. It takes courage, great guts to that and tell it to the clergy and in their face at that. But common decency dictated that he should have waited for the Mass to have ended.

        The Catholic clergy and for that matter ministers and pastors of other major religious sects in the country are to be feared most specially by politicians.

        What Celdran did in snatching that taurp and running away afterwards is uncalled for. It gives the people who believes in and campaigns for the RH Bill a bad name.

        I hope the RH bill does not become hostage this time and should be passed already. And for those who are campaigning against it, they should know first whats it about before joining church sponsored rallies so when a news team interviews them, they would know what to say and not just say that they are there because they are from a Catholic school.

        And for the clergy who is against the RH bill, maybe you should make your rounds by commuting and walking instead of driving in your car or being chauffered driven around. So you can see the little children running sometimes naked in the streets. With all the expensive Catholic schools around, you should give these poor kids free education. In other words, you should practice what you preach. Its sure is nice to be a priest in this country. Airconditioned offices, rooms in convents and a car too.

        I hope this becomes what Claro M. Recto fought for. The teaching of Rizal in all and I mean all schools including catholic schools. The Church was against this and was said to have caused Recto’s defeat in seeking the presidency. But nonetheless, it was implemented. even if the version being taught in catholic schools is the abridged or censored version. Hhhmmmm…… I wonder what they are hiding.

        Let people have a choice. God gave us freewill so let no religion take it.

        If your a Catholic, do what your religion teaches you. If your not one, you should not be obligated into doing so. after all, there is no sanctioned state religion. Separation of church and state.


  4. You imply that he met the media because he wanted publicity. In fact, I sent them there, because several pro-RH groups wanted the publicity for the RH movement. You say that he should “not have allowed the media to cover his confession,” pero no one can stop the media from covering whatever they choose. In fairness to him, he told them he was going to confession and afterwards he refused to answer questions about his penance, saying it was a private matter. If you’re going to accuse him of profaning a sacred rite by talking to the media, you should make sure you have all the facts, poh.

    Also, I would hardly call two media outlets a “barrage,” as that’s how many told me they were meeting him on site. He was covered by other outlets via the press releases I and others sent out. You’re sensationalizing things a bit, di ba?

    The church requested the apology and confession. Of all the stakeholders in the RH debate, they are the ones that want that publicized most of all (which is why they publicized it themselves on the CBCP website long before Carlos ever mentioned it). So if you’re going to accuse anyone of publicizing a sacred rite, you should point that finger at the church first.


    • Hello Mr. Ahn,

      Thank you for replying.

      Sir, you are mistaken. I am not implying that Mr. Celdrán sought more publicity when he and/or you informed the media of his confession. That is why at the beginning of this blogpost, I even wrote that “I have to side with Celdrán against allegations that he’s a “papansín” (or hungry for publicity/attention). If you read more closely, you should instead accuse me of implying that Mr. Celdrán is trying to “remedy” the damage that he did when he stole that tarpaulin vis-à-vis the court case filed against him by the CBCP.

      “…pero no one can stop the media from covering whatever they choose.”

      Old news sir. We already know that. =)

      “In fairness to him, he told them he was going to confession and afterwards he refused to answer questions about his penance, saying it was a private matter.”

      Of course. I did not even delve on that matter. Just in case you do not know, details of a confession should remain between the father confessor and the sinner. Read my article VERY CAREFULLY, please.

      “If you’re going to accuse him of profaning a sacred rite by talking to the media, you should make sure you have all the facts, poh.”

      But I am not accusing him of that. I accuse him, instead, of belittling this sacrament which for us Christians is very sacred. To put it more bluntly, I accuse Mr. Celdrán of insincerity. Why? Right after “confessing” his sins, he still blurted out to the media that he will still fight the Church on the issue of reproductive health.

      He should have never gone to confession at all if he will still continue fighting the religion of his forefathers. To a logical person, that is very absurd. You don’t throw stones at your own house. If I am against a single Church teaching, whether or not it’s about birth control, I will immediately leave that congregation for good. It is the only logical thing to do.

      So for the nth time, Mr. Ahn, READ VERY CAREFULLY. You must be lacking some sleep, sir. That is unhealthy. Masamá rin sa utac yan.

      “Also, I would hardly call two media outlets a “barrage,” as that’s how many told me they were meeting him on site. He was covered by other outlets via the press releases I and others sent out. You’re sensationalizing things a bit, di ba?”

      No, I’m not. Mister Celdrán’s attendance that day during Holy Mass inside the Cathedral was covered by the press. His entrance towards the church was seen on national television. Millions of Filipinos watching during that time saw how many media people were there. And it can be seen in this YouTube video I posted as well. Yes, it can be believed that there were only two media outlets during that time. ¿Pero iláng táo ba cada media outlet? And coming from you, “he was covered by other outlets”. So I rest my case and stand by my “barrage of mediamen” observation. Anyway, I was not the only person in the world who saw Mr. Celdrán’s Cheshire Cat grin when he was marching towards the Manila Cathedral with a barrage of media people…

      You’re twisting things a bit, ¿di ba?

      “The church requested the apology and confession. Of all the stakeholders in the RH debate, they are the ones that want that publicized most of all (which is why they publicized it themselves on the CBCP website long before Carlos ever mentioned it). So if you’re going to accuse anyone of publicizing a sacred rite, you should point that finger at the church first.”

      Publicized most of all? Now look who is accusing me of sensationalism. The CBCP is publicizing most of all the scrapping of the RH bill. Mister Celdrán is not even a top priority. They do not even consider him an enemy (otherwise, he would have been excommunicated a long time ago).

      Pardon me, but this last observation of yours is absurd (not you, OK? just your observation; bacá magcámali ca na namán casí ng basa, eh). Demanding an apology and confession is not publicity, Mr. Ahn. I presume you are already an adult, and more mature than Mr. Celdrán. As a professional, you should know how a damaged honor must be redressed in a professional manner. Now, the Church is the aggrieved party here. The Church is not your average coffee club. It is the largest religious group in the country. And Mr. Celdrán’s immaturity made this largest religious group the aggrieved party, thus making this a sensational hit amongst all media outlets. The CBCP is merely doing what it believes Celdrán should do, not really for their sake but for his.

      And speaking of absurd…

      “So if you’re going to accuse anyone of publicizing a sacred rite, you should point that finger at the church first.”

      In view of my comments regarding Mr. Celdrán’s “confession”, this is already moot and academic.



  5. Pilosopo Tasya

    Pepe. You are OWNED.

    Good job, Tony.

    Been following your threads on Carlos, Pepe. You seem obsessed by him. I even noticed your strong tirades against him for being anti-Spanish. Did you look at yourself? You are more Indio than Jojo Binay himself. Perhaps you are just jealous or in love with Carlos because he has true Spanish blood while yours is just imagined?


    • Ironic that Celdran has Spanish blood and with his physique or built, he could fit right into the role of a stereotypical friar.


    • (canned applause)

      Hello Pilosopo Tasyo/a,

      You know, nowadays, I rarely reply to comments made on my blogs because of my other tasks outside of blogging. Negative or positive, I still publish them anyway, as evidenced by your rather entertaining quips here on my blog.

      At sacá hindí na rin casí acó napatol sa mğa bastós, eh. Been that, done there, LOL! But today has been a lazy day. I guess summer’s really here!!! At medio walá namán acóng magawá ñgayón. So in the spirit of fun —AND FOR ONE TIME ONLY!!!— I will go down to the sewers in order for me to reach out to you!

      (canned cheers)

      Ain’t that exciting?!

      (frogs croaking)

      Anyway, as I was saying… summer’s here!!! Can you freaking feel the heat?! I bet you do. And I could just imagine you sitting there on your silverfish-infested couch stroking whatever that is left to be stroked on you, imagining Carlos Celdrán in a maillot swimwear!

      (canned laughter)

      That’s disgusting, Pilosopo. Shame on you.

      And hey, what is this you’re saying…

      “Pepe. You are GREAT.
      Bl*w j*b, Tony.”

      (canned laughter)

      Caramba! You’re not game to just one… but two?! I could already hear Sylvester The Cat with his legendary “sufferin’ succotash”. But the only person sufferin’ right now… IS YOU. Because you just can’t get enough with two.

      Now you want me, too?! Just take a look at what you wrote:

      “Been following your threads on Carlos, Pepe. You seem obsessed by him.”

      Goodness gracious! Look who’s talking about obsession! You have just revealed to the whole world that you are now my certified stalker! I better report you to the authorities (oh, they can track you down easily just by following the IP address your comments left on my SOON TO BE HOTTEST BUH-BUH-BLOG IN TOWN) and tell them to order you to stay away from my sexy body within 500 meters. Yes, both you and Carlos would salivate if you see me in Speedo trunks. These abs of mine? Shucks, they’re heaven, dude/girl. You’ll never have one of these in your lifetime!

      (canned cheers/laughter)

      So did I look at myself? My goodness, I’d never EVER dare do that, man. I might fall in love with myself; I don’t want to become another Carlos Celdrán. But the only difference is this….

      …I know that when I look into the mirror, what I will see is one helluva ferocious sexy beast, baby!

      (canned cheers)

      But whenever Carlos looks into the mirror… heck, does he even have to look into the mirror? C’mon, no mirror in this side of the world is large enough to fit his reflection!

      (canned laughter)

      Now, I don’t have any beef whatsoever with Jojo Binay. But he and I have one thing in common: we don’t have Indio blood. We don’t have Spanish blood…

      Our blood is Korean! And we’re taking over soon!


      PEPE ALAS: Now, I hope I’ve made a statement.
      PEPE ALAS: Shut up first, I’m talking!
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: Oh, I’m sor…
      PEPE ALAS: Shut that filthy mouth of yours, and just listen to what I will ask you… are you ready?
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: Yes, I am r…
      PEPE ALAS: All right then… who’s the king of the hill?
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: Uhm… you?
      PEPE ALAS: What do you mean “you?” Are you trying to be some dumb Chinese-speaking poodle? Who is the king of the hill?
      PEPE ALAS: Louder!
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: You! Pepe Alas!
      PEPE ALAS: Who is the greatest roaster of them all?!
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: Pepe Alas!
      PEPE ALAS: Who’s the meanest, baaaaaadest, toughest, bloggin’ ayatollah of rock n’ rollah?!
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: Pepe Alas!
      PEPE ALAS: Who’s always gonna OWN Carlos Celdrán?!
      PILOSOPO TASYO/A: The one and only! PEPE ALAS!
      PEPE ALAS: Now that’s a good dog! You may go back to your kennel now, you worthless piece of snail shell.

      (loudest cheers ever, heard even on the moon!)


      Blogger’s Note: Again, this bashing is just a one-time deal! Catuwaan lang pô. Just playin’ around. Ang picón ay laguing talo. This might not even happen anymore since I do not belong in the sewers; Celdrán et al would kick me out from there.

      May we all have a nice day! =)


  6. I forgot to mention, one should watch the interview by Boy Abunda of Bishop Yniguez. Its on youtube. Also the opinion of Fr. Joaquin Bernas regarding what was passed in Ayala Alabang. They present a more sober and unbiased view on the subject.


  7. di na big deal kung anong ginawa ni carlos. it pales in comparison to church abuses. whats important is kung ano ang ipinaglalaban nya.

    the catholic church has been in the philippines since 1500s but why wasnt it able to stop the rising poverty of most filipinos. after all those sunday sermons for more than 400 years, bokya pa rin ang pinoy? anong bang mga sermon yun at hindi naconvince ang karamihan sa pinoy na dumaan sa matuwid na landas ng PAGKAHINDI mahirap. ceguro mas madaling makapasok sa langit kung mahirap. napaisip tuloy ako kung saan minana o natutunan ng pinoy ang corruption.

    if the church is pro-poor, i challenge them to preach in every mass how the less fortunate can get out of poverty w/o going against teachings.


    • Remember what I said: RELIGION IS POISON.

      You are poor because your bishops get all your money and send it to your Pope Bend-a-dick.


  8. I didn’t know that Communism was still in vogue after the fall of the USSR. China is a communistic capitalist state. A bit of an oxymoron.


  9. A poor couple would never bother to go to health workers to consult about family planning. Why go over such things when there’s no food, no money, no home, no jobs. They won’t even go to health centers to give birth! And I doubt it if we would have enough resources to carry this out – educate the poor? oh yeah, we’ll use the classrooms – that’s if they send their kids there – this would just be one of those failed government programs, but hey, private contractors [whose been pushing this from behind the curtains] are happy, fat paychecks are comin’!


    • And then their priests and bishops tell them to make more babies, since “children are a gift from god”. When they finally brood a litter or two, they get poorer and hungrier AND BLAME THE STATE for doing nothing.

      Is that what you want?


  10. IndioNaNagpapanggapNaKastila

    hay naku, Pepe! magsama na lang kayo ni Mister Guillermo-Gomez Rivera…parehas kayo Pro-Spanish. tawa ako sa tirada against WASPs aka Americano. sus…matanggal na yun bro… its history. Tsaka, tigilan mo nga pagta-type ng archaic Tagalog… sakit sa mata… ung K ginagawa mo C… hehehe… kornik…

    maka prayle ka tlga Pepe. 😀


    • In Tagalog:

      Di naman patas ang pagkukumpara sa mga prayle sina Pepe Alas at Guillermo Gomez. Sa iyo, para silang si Don Victorino, pero pakinggan muna natin sila. Kailangan nating matawas ang impluensya ng mga Kastila’t Amerikano, bilang impluensya ng mga dayuhan. Ang kasaysayan ng Pilipinas, dapat nasa “kasaysayang pantayo”.

      In English:

      It’s not fair to compare Pepe Alas and Guillermo Gomez with the friars. They might be Don Victorinos to you, but let’s listen to their side. We also have to give some credit to our Hispanic and American heritage, but as outside influences. Philippine History has to be in the point of view of the natives, not the foreigners.


      • tama ka na Albertus… isa ka pa… magsama kayo ni Pepe at Guillermo “MAGELLAN” Gomez-Rivera.


      • SimonBolivar or whoever you are:

        My stance has never changed. If I’m pro-Spanish, I would have agreed to almost all of the entries here. It pays to be a little skeptical about this site. However, I’m just as pro-Spanish as I’m pro-American, which is not very much. The unifying factor of Filipinos is the Austronesian element, which prevails. We better focus on that. Read all posts with the name “Albert” in this blog.


  11. Good news, comrades! The drug mules have been executed via lethal injection! 3 down, 90 million more to go!


  12. The Church is not involving itself in politics? Boy you went too far with that statement. I’m sure you’d be saying the same thing by the time our country is under the equivalent of Sharia law.


  13. Dude, Carlos sucks big time. He doesn’t deserve anybody’s attention. Papansin lang yan. Let’s just leave that jerk alone in his make-believe world.



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